The unexpected road to pregnancy

April 23, 2020

Although I share a lot about my life, as openly and honestly as I have been able to, writing this post is going to be very difficult. It is probably the most emotional and hardest topic for me to open up about and requires going back to some experiences, that have been locked in a room with the hope of them being there as hidden as possible. I guess it’s time to open that door and peek in.

The heaviness of the subject for me is the very reason I know I need to share it. I now know how many women and couples have faced it and how taboo-of-a-topic it is, which it shouldn’t be. I now know stories of how big of an effect this experience can have on women and still… how many carry this burden just by themselves. What is it, you may wonder? It’s miscarriage and the unexpected road to pregnancy.

Starting on a positive note…

For those of you that have been following our journey, you might know already, that I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with our first, very waited, and already extremely loved baby. Although it is an exciting time right now and I am happier than I have ever been, getting to this point has been a hard journey for me, for us.

Don’t forget- sometimes in order to smile it takes a whole lot of cries to get there

Let me take you back a little bit.

Nick and I got married in May 2018. Having kids was something we had obviously discussed and although we weren’t in a rush by any means, we weren’t also opposed to it happening quickly. Then a month later I was diagnosed with cancer and a whole new chapter started. Even the opportunity of growing our family was questioned at some point. Since before this life- eruption I was getting used to the idea of becoming a mom, this was obviously already a devastating idea to me.

Long story short…(you can read about the cancer phase in my other blog post)- I didn’t have to get any treatment other than surgery and the ability to have a baby wasn’t affected.

Just a few months after getting the news, that “I am clear” we got another news. On the 1st of October 2018, I did three tests and found out I was pregnant. I sobbed in a bathroom with happiness and put together a plan to tell Nick. I decided to play a little trick on him.

Two lines, HOORAY!

I went to the store, got the ingredients, and created 5 home-made ice-creams. Since that was a period where I was experimenting a lot with cooking I told him I need his help in this food analysis project. I tied his eyes and had him taste different ice-creams I had made and he had to guess what the ingredients were. The twist was that the last thing I gave him was baby food a had got from the store.

He grimaced his face with disgust and asked- “What was thaaaaat????” He took his blind off and I said: “It was baby food.” He didn’t quite get it and responded- “Well why would you feed me baby food?” I paused and asked- “Well… why do you think I would?”

Five home-made ice-creams + a surprise baby food mouthful

It took him a moment to realize where I was heading with this, but suddenly he stood up and started stomping around, astonished. He got it. We cried and laughed and hugged and both, truth be told, were quite shocked.

We had been through a very life-altering and emotionally roller-coaster-like experience just months prior and we weren’t expecting this to happen so fast. Nor were we intentionally trying. Nevertheless, we were excited and very, very happy. I felt that after a whirlwind of a period, this was exactly what was meant to be. A new perspective, a new hope, a new breath, a new era.

5 and 9 weeks pregnant- excitedly waiting for the belly to pop

Now we were living with our little secret. We went to un ultrasound around 5 weeks and got confirmation around the pregnancy. Around 7-8 weeks we told our families. Since the first check was early and the heartbeat was not seen yet, the next ultrasound was scheduled on the 2nd of November (week 9).

As if there hadn’t been enough ups and downs in the recent months, during that period I also lost my grandfather. He was very important to me and I was actually living at his house during the time I met Nick. His funeral was on the 1st of November and although a terribly hard and sad day, I remember in the evening reminding myself of the circle of life. “Liisa, life takes and life gives,” thinking about the little human developing inside of me.

The next morning, on the 2nd of November at 9 am we had the doctor’s appointment. I was thrilled and by no means ready for what waited ahead. Ironically, that day, The All Souls Day, known as the day to commemorate those not with us anymore, took a sudden turn.

Before we ever had the chance to hear the heartbeat, there was none to be found…

The whole process of that morning is a bit of a blur for me. I just remember walking out of the hospital, crying heavily, confused, and shocked. It doesn’t matter that the baby was the size of a cherry, by then you have fallen in love already with the idea of having your life changed forever with a companion joining your path.

Although I think I have gone through quite a bit of challenges in my life prior to this starting with knocking on 15 000 doors 5000 miles away from home working on 100% commission; recruited and led teams; started a coaching division in a whole new continent; married a foreigner and battled immigration laws; lived abroad; dealt with major health issues…no one or nothing is ever able to prepare you for a moment like this.

I was mentally and emotionally absolutely drained.

This is one of those experiences, that you know that people go through, but since you never really hear too much about it, then it seems like a topic far away, that happens to… “some other people out there.”

Dealing with our emotions in challenging situations, whatever that may be, is not something that’s taught at school. Most of us haven’t got that lesson from our upbringing. We are scared to share the real, tough things and so we carry this baggage around. Some for days, some for years, some for decades. It can get real heavy, doesn’t it?

As I was carrying this with me, trying to keep on going with the normal activities I understood I need to talk this through with someone in order to be fully able to do so. I went to a psychologist. By that time I had one cleansing process with tablets done and the doctor said that for some reason it hadn’t fully worked, so we were to do it once more. She also added that if it won’t work now too, they need to intervene surgically. “What… another knife? No way, not this year. Please!” I thought.

Taking this step was probably the best thing I could have done. I am a coach myself by profession and have always had mentors and coaches, but now the need of having someone to 100% honestly and transparently talk with, was greater than ever. Yes, I have a wonderful husband, loving parents, and amazing girlfriends next to me, but sometimes someone outside of our own safe sphere of influence can listen with no agenda, no opinion and that can help a lot. So in whatever area of your life you know you have some unsolved burden on your heart, I strongly recommend you take action finding a neutral person to hash it out with for yourself.

With the psychologist, we reached a point where she said- “Liisa, your body is not letting go, because you haven’t done that in your mind.” She was totally right. I was desperately still clinging on to the idea.

The following weekend I wrote a letter to the baby. I poured my heart on the screen, we printed it and burnt it in the fireplace. It was time to let go.

Balled my eyes out and let go

This is the first time since the 2nd of December 2018, that I opened the document again. It rips some of the wounds but is also empowering for me to read and remind. I share this in the hopes that whatever you, who are reading this right now, have carried with you, that is weighing you down, do something to let it go. Letting go does not mean forgetting, not thinking “what if” or missing. Some dates and triggers will always be painful reminders, but giving yourself emotional permission to move on, is vital.

Talk it out, write it out, cry it out, whatever you have to do- get it out of your system

At the end of December, I shared our loss on social media. I was absolutely shocked to see how many messages I got from women that had undergone the same experience. I honestly felt everyone’s pain who wrote to me. “If it is this common, then how come no one talks about this and how to go through it,” I thought. In my naive mind, it seemed that on social media I only saw happy baby announcements and felt that I must be the only one going through something like this. To some extent, I blamed myself because I felt that maybe I did or didn’t do something those other women had done.

Previously, it seemed to me, that most couples get pregnant right away. Most of our teen years and young adulthood we are sort of scared with the stories of how easy it is to get pregnant and how to avoid it. For years you do whatever needed to prevent this from happening, but then when the tides have turned and you are ready- you might realize it’s not always as easy as depicted in the biology textbook or sexual education class you attended in middle school.

Now, 1,5 years later I know how difficult that road is for a lot. I know some who have tried a year, some who for 3, even 5 years. I know some who have done IVF… some who have had to go through it multiple times. I know people who have had to face miscarriages, some sadly many of them and unfortunately some who are not able to have kids at all. On the other hand, I also know people who have got pregnant at first try. That’s the point- pregnancies and situations are different and it is so discouraging to compare ourselves in that with others.

Reading all the messages I also understood the common denominators. Everyone needs support, everyone needs to be able to share what’s on their heart and express what they feel, everyone deserves someone who listens. I also understand that not everyone has to share this on social media as I do, so there would be a realistic balance between happy baby reveal posts and the not so happy negative pregnancy test to create a healthy expectation. People do need to know though that they are not alone in whatever they go through!

Although this was a hard period I also started to understand that sometimes we need to trust that the timing of things is just not meant to be. Looking back I know how weak my body was at a time. I had lost a lot of weight, my body had endured many changes and quite understandably wasn’t focused on accomodating nurturing another person. “This is nature doing its job,” my doctor used to remind me.

Now, being a bit more healed, we moved on with our lives. The doctor recommended to wait a couple of months and then start trying again. So we did.

Since the first time I had got pregnant fast and easy, I was calculating already the months when the new, healthy baby would be born. First-quarter passed. “It’ll be the beginning-of-the-year-baby then” I was doing the math. Summer approached, no changes. Every month I was hopeful and excited. Every passing month my hopes were crushed.

6 months had passed and I started to worry more. “What if something is not right?” “What if my body still needs something it doesn’t have right now?” 6 months actually is not a long time, especially in the baby-creation process, but when your mind is set on it, it can seem like a heck of a longer period. I also got a doctor at a private hospital who started tracking my cycles. I got all possible tests done, all hormones measured, everything checked. By month 8 I started taking some supplements to help.

By this time it was all weighing on me hard. It had become like an obsession and as much as people can calm you down sharing their experience and giving your hope, it’s still emotional. I wanted a baby so badly. The pressure started affecting even our marriage, with every month the dream got postponed.

Relying on my porridge-bowl to do self-talk for me

This period taught me so much. To lean in faith and trusting that we can only connect the dots looking backward. It taught me patience. I’ve always been very stubborn and if I want something, I want to get it fast. This period Nick had to remind me a lot: “Liisa, no matter what do you, there are some things that are just not under your control right now.”

Every time I saw someone post about their family- expanding updates I was always sincerely happy for them, but at the same time, it was like pouring salt on an open wound. Also- you know how when you want something you start all of a sudden seeing it EVERYWHERE? It seemed that wherever I went all I saw where babies and pregnant women.

Another thing I’ve learned is that in some situations it’s better to keep our curiosity to yourself instead of asking- “Soooo… are you guys thinking about kids too?” I’ve been on the receiving end of that question and on the asking side and both places are not fun.

You are probably understanding right now that no matter how logically one might comprehend, that an obsession-like state as described before is not healthy and serving of your mind and body. It’s just hard for the heart to keep up with the brain’s reasoning.

Nick started telling me- “Liisa, this is too much, you need to change something.” That was very true. Whatever it may be, obsessing about something that you have no control over, will never do any good. As much as I didn’t want it, I started changing my self-talk, my focus, my perspective. I tried to intentionally remind that whenever it is meant to be, it’ll be and that is not up to me to decide. I started gaining some calmness.

Finally, it was December. On the evening of 29th, I took a pregnancy test and was so scared to watch it, so Nick did. Somehow deep inside I knew- “This is it! Two lines, I know.” Nick looked at it and…”Negative.” “What?? No way…”

I didn’t believe it. I examined it and soon I told him- “But look, there is another faint line here.” Since it was barely noticeable we decided to do it the next morning. On the morning of the 30th, I took three pregnancy tests. The mistake was that I drank a lot of water before and …. all three negative. The hope that after months had really sparked was crushed again. I was confused- “I thought I knew that this time it was different.”

Just in case the next morning, on the last day of the year, I did one more. To my surprise, it was positive now. What a rollercoaster.

30th January ultrasound

The hardest thing about the first trimester was that although I was pregnant I never fully let myself be excited about it. I then realized how deep of an impact the last experience had left me and how much I was afraid of having to face something like that again. I was scared to talk about the baby, scared to dream about her/him. I was trying to protect my heart. At one point Nick called me out and said- “You have to start talking certainty into the situation. The baby needs your belief.”

What a wise husband I am blessed with.

To sum it up, I have tremendous respect and admiration for women (and couples) who have gone through messy roads of adding a family member to their team. I have tremendous respect for women who are pregnant. It is physically and emotionally hard sometimes and makes the woman expand her capabilities. I have tremendous respect for moms! Although I’m not able to relate yet, what you do for those little ones is world-changing and you should be incredibly proud of yourself.

The point of all of this is that whether it is personal milestones- a wedding, having a baby, buying a home, etc or professional achievement- best month/ year, promotion, a new career, most of the time we see the tips of the ice-bergs presented. It’s easy to assume, judge, make conclusions without ever having the full information to do so. Whatever the situation- the sacrifices, hard work, overcoming obstacles, or mental barriers are rarely understood to an outside eye. They are always there though and those controllables are where the focus should always be. So keep on going and keep on believing!




22 responses to “The unexpected road to pregnancy”

Liisa you are truly one if the most bravest and inspirational woman I know. Thank you for sharing! 🙏🏻❤️

Armas Kerttu💖 ma südamest tänan sind ilusate sõnade ja alatise toetuse, kaasaelamise eest. Saadan sulle kuhjaga virtuaal-kallistusi☺️

Liisa, you are truly a woman of grace. I appreciate your vulnerability and the fact that you never shy away from showing us all the not-so-happy moments in life. I’m so glad that you have such a compassionate, accountable partner in Nick, to help keep a healthy perspective on life’s ups and downs. Love you guys so much and can’t wait to meet the little munchkin. Thank you for sharing. Xxxxx

Thank you so much for writing. It really means a lot to me. I’ve truly tried to be as honest with all our journey’s curveballs and I am glad that transparency comes through the screen. Very grateful to have found Nick and to do life with him (and soon our little one! Gosh, so exciting). Keep on rocking with your Youtube channel as well, you are doing amazing.
All the best to your entire crew. Hope you all are well and healthy. Love from Tallin:*

I admire you for the honesty you always share. Just like the life is sometimes wonderful sometimes shitty but that’s the whole beauty of it, experience the constant change and appreciate the moments.
Best of luck to you and Nick. I’m sure everything will go well now, my fingers are always crossed for you two 💗
You matter and you are enough

Thank you so much for reading and for sharing your thoughts. Getting some feedback is always a great encourager to me and knowing what I’ve put out has moved even one person means a whole lot. You said it absolutely right. Life is sometimes unexpected with all its amazingly beautiful moments but also the raw, real, tough ones and both are worthy to be discussed.
We appreciate your kind words and support and wish you also all the best:) Stay healthy, positive, and loved.

Loeks nagu enda lugu. Kaotasin oma esimese beebi eelmise aasta novembris, 6. rasedusnädalal. Mina küll läksin kõhuvalu ja veritsusega erakorralisse vastuvõttu, kus esialgu rahustati maha, sest verejooks peatus ja ultrahelis oli südametöö näha. Seda hullem oli šokk, kui mõne tunni pärast tagasi minnes oli kõik siiski läbi. Esimesed kuud lohutasin end netist loetu põhjal sellega, et küll õnnestub kohe uuesti rasedaks jääda. Nüüd on 5 kuud möödas ja peab tunnistama, et see tõesti hakkab juba kinnisideeks muutuma ning iga järgmine ebaõnnestunud kuu on järjest hullem. Asja ei tee ka paremaks see, et olen vanuses 30+. Kuklas on kogu aeg mõte, et äkki see ei õnnestugi enam ja olen samuti juba end igat pidi testida lasnud. Ka mina näen igal pool ainult rasedaid ja beebisid ning eriti raske on kuulda uudiseid lähedasemate tuttavate rasedusuudiste kohta. Ühega neist oleks meie sünnitustähtaegade vahe olnud 2 nädalat. Iga kord, kui temaga räägin, mõtlen, et see oleks ju pidanud olema mina. Aga ei ole. Üritan mitte mõelda sellele mitmes nädal mul praegu oleks, aga ilmselt kõige keerulisem aeg on juuli alguses, kui laps sündima oleks pidanud. Sinu lugu on vist selle 5 kuu jooksul esimene asi, mis mind tõesti end paremini on pannud tundma ja andnud lootust, et äkki sellel on siiski ka minu jaoks õnnelik lõpp olemas. Suur aitäh Sulle!

Oeh…kõigepealt ma siiralt tänan, et sa kirjutasid. Ma tean, et sel teemal enda südame ja mõtete avamine ükskõik kui avalikult või privaatselt või kellele, on keeruline. Seega hindan, et võtsid aega enda lugu jagada. Mul on äärmiselt kurb lugeda, et oled pidanud sarnase olukorraga silmitsi seisma. Üha enam naistega sellest rääkides, jahmatab mind siiani tõsiasi KUI paljud on antud kogemust tundnud, samas KUI üksi sel hetkel tuntakse, sest tundub, et kellelgi teisel ju nii ei ole. Tean, et see ei tee sinu situatsiooni kergemaks, aga ma tõesti tunnen su valu. Samas tean ka, et selle protsessi keskel olles vahel laused nagu “Proovi lahti lahta…” või “Küll ta omal ajal tuleb” võivad rohkem närvi ajada kui abiks olla. Sellegipoolest peamine asi, mida sulle soovin on jätkuv usk! See ei muuda rasedate nägemist või teatud kuupäevade saabumist vms otseselt kergemaks, aga aitab mingilgi määral enda sisemise normaalne edasi eksisteerimise säilitada. Minu jaoks oli ka see kontrolli ja idee lahti laskmine ja korraks oma vaatevinkli laiendamine meeletult raske. Lõpuks aga emotsionaalne lubadus, mis oli seda üdini väärt.
Ma tõesti hoian sulle pöialt ja soovin sulle parimat. Kui ma kuidagigi abiks saan olla, siis ära pelga ühendust võtta. Olen olemas ja valmis kasvõi üks suur kõrv lihtsalt olema:)
Aitäh sulle veelkord ja positiivset meelt:*

Tänud, et jagad avalikult seda rasket lugu/teekonda. Olen ka ise selle teekonna läbi teinud, aga mina olen seda lugu alati varjanud. Selles on olnud palju valu, häbi. Minul läks 6 aastat emaks saamiseks. Täna olen 6- aastase tüdruku ema, ja väga tänulik selle eest. Minu teekond emaks saamisel kulges nii, et ma ei jäänud kunagi rasedaks, ja kui jäin, siis jäin lõpuni ja sünnitasin ise terve tüdruku. Kui muidu ma teadsin elus, mida ma pean tegema, et saada häid õpitulemusi, töötulemusi jne, siis selle teema juures ma tegelikult ei teadnud ja ei tea siiamaani, mis on siin n-ö “eduvõti”. Võib-olla usk ning ühelt poolt mitte alla andmine ja teisalt minna laskmine… Ma sain üks hetk aru, et see on miski, mida ma ei saa kontrollida, juhtida, et siin kehtivad teistsugused reeglid. Kui ma triibud kätte sain, siis tegin ühte asja iga õhtu enne magama minekut – ma rääkisin universumiga ja palusin et ta annaks minu kõhus olevale lapsele jõudu ja energiat kasvada terveks lapseks ja olin tänulik. Ma ei ole usklik ja ma ei tea, kas sellest oli abi, aga see on vist nii, et kui jõuad punkti, kus on asju, mida sa ei saa kontrollida, siis lihtsalt oled alandlik ja palud abi kusagilt teadmata kohast, universumilt. Soovin sulle usku, jõudu ja kannatlikust.

Oeh, aitäh, et jagad enda lugu. 6 aastat, VAU! Ma isegi ei kujuta ette kuidas sa periood välja võis näha ja kuidas ennast tundsid. Nii vahva aga, et sa usku ei jätnud ning õigel hetkel su tütar teie juurde oma tee leidis. See on nii õige tähelepanek ja meeldetuletus sinu poolt, et kogu selle protsessi vältel on tänulikkus üli oluline. Olen ka seda meelt, et see on kõige aluseks. Samuti usk, mis sa välja tõid. Vahel on tõesti asjad meie kontrolli alt väljas tehku me, mis teeme ning nendel enda frustreeruda laskmine olukorda ei toeta. Oleme proovinud samuti järjepidevalt mehega mõlemad beebiga õhtuti rääkida- teda tänada ja öelda, et armastame teda. See aga, et selle praegu välja tõid, oli nii hea kinnitus, et sellega kindlasti jätkata.

Soovin sulle ja su tütrele jätkuvalt kõike paremat ning aitäh sulle veelkord!

Ootasin su lugu väga, ootasin seda kurvale teekonnale järgnevat rõõmusõnumit. Olen ka ise selle värskelt läbi teinud ja just nüüd kui oleks õige aeg raviga (clomid) uuesti alustada, on töö haiglates peatatud. Peale märtsis tühistatud arstiaega möödub iga päev nagu igavik. Obsessioni poolega olen ka 100% nõus ning ka sellega, et tänaval muud peale rasedate ja beebide justkui polegi. Määrati sulle ka Clomifen või on imeravimeid veel?

Jõudu ja edu, Liisa! 🙂


Suur aitäh sulle kirjutamast. Me ise ootasime seda rõõmusõnumit ka pikisilmi ja nüüd tänu veel suurem. Küll aga on mul siiralt kahju kuulda, et ka sina sellise olukorraga silmitsi seisad. Kui enne raseduse keerulisema poolega nii palju kokku ei olnud veel puutunud ja ainult neid beebisid, emasid, rasedaid nägin, siis näis see pilt nii ühepoolne. Nüüd see reaalne balanss on palju selgemaks saanud ja kuigi see olukorda kergemaks sul ei tee, siis lihtsalt kinnitan sulle, et see ei ole kuidagi sinu süü ning sa pole selles üksi. Kui saan kuidagi abiks olla, anna teada.
Ravi poolest oli mul ka see sama minu meelest. Ma nime täpselt ei mäletanudki, aga korraks googeldasin ja tundus, et kirjeldus oli vähemalt sama. Paar kuud võtsin tsükli kindlas vahemikus 5 päeva tablette, et ovulatsiooni stimuleerida. Seda küll arst juba algusest peale rääkis ka, aga siis ma ise ei suutnud kohe rakendada- see peamine imeravim aga rahulikkus, positiivsus.
Hoian sulle pöialt ja elan kaas! Hoia usku ja positiivset meelt:)

Tere Liisa. Lugesin su lugu ja väga paljuski tundsin ära ennast. Kaotasin ka raske haiguse tõttu kaks last raseduse alguses. Peale seda elasin kui 2 aastat nagu mingi mulli sees. Asja tegi eriti hulluks, et töötasin tollal päris palju kohas, kus puutusin kokku vähemal rohkemal määral lastega, eriti beebidega. Mäletan, et õhtuti peale tööd sõitsin parki ja nutsin tunde ja tunde, sest ma ei suutnud leppida, et kõigil on lapsed ja mul pole. Lõpuks ronisin sellest mustast august välja ja täna on mul 1 laps, imevahva Rebecca. Tema saamislugu on üks minu elu kõige raskemaid katsumusi. Aga seda rohkem hindad seda ühte last, kelle saamiseks pidin mina iga päev mägesid liigutama. Mind aitas väga palju see, et näiteks raskelt haigena haiglavoodis lebades kujutasin ette, kuidas me pargis sügisel lehti korjame, või kuidas me suvel rannas liivalossi ehitame või talvel lumememmesid. Need hetked viisid mind edasi ja ei lasknud kogu raseduse aja jooksul hulluks minna. Soovin sulle jaksu ja head kasvamist. Kirjutasin oma raskest rasedusteekonnast kunagi artikli ka Pere ja Kodusse. Kui on huvi lugeda saan sulle infosse panna. Ole tubli.

Aitäh, et kirjutasid nii avatult. Vau, mul läks silme eest täitsa vesiseks kui lugesin. Sa oled nii inspireeriv ja tugev, et läbi selliste katsumuste oled läinud. Pöörane, mis vahepeal tuleb inimestel läbi teha, et need väiksed ilmakodanikud siia maailma tuua. Mul on nii, nii hea meel, et sinu puhul see teekond positiivselt lõpuks kulges ja pisike printsess teiega on:) Nüüd saad neid toona visualiseeritud pilte varsti reaalsuses kogeda ja see on lihtsalt imeline!
Ma hea meelega loeks sinu lugu. Kui saaksid näiteks mulle otse saata, oleksin väga tänulik.
Seniks aga sulle ja Rebeccale vahvat koos kasvamise jätku ja nende ilusate hetkede realiseerumist. Olge hoitud:)

Meie kaotasime oma esimese beebi 2015 Sügis, ta tuli vaid peale kahte kuud proovimist. 7+ nädalal nägime südamelööke, aga ülejärgmine päev hakkas veritsus ja rasedus katkes. Ma lasin endal eelmise raseduse ajal rõõmu tunda vaid sel hetkel kui UHs südamelööke nägin, muul ajal mitte, kuna mu õdedel on olnud katkemisi. Mul on raske lapsepõlv olnud, aga see oli ikka kõige hullem asi mida läbi elada. Maadlesime mõlemad sügava depressiooniga seetõttu. 4a4k läks, vahepeal saime juba diagnoosiks seletamatu viljatuse ja pidime nüüd just enne karantiini minupoolse uute uuringutega alustama, sain saatekirja vereproovidele, aga tsükkel venis ulmepikaks ja kui uus hakkas, siis oli karantiin juba peal. 7 päeva tagasi aga mõtlesin täiesti lambist testi teha ja uskumatu, aga ma olen rase. Küll alles 4-5 nädalat, aga sel korral üritan hoolimata murest juba praegu võimalikult palju rõõmu oma rasedusest tunda, usun südamest, et see beebi tuli siia, et meiega jääda 🙂

Oiiii, seda kirja lõppu lugedes mul tuli rõõmust kananahk peale. Mul on nii, nii hea meel, et teie pisike on otsustanud teid oma tulekuga õnnistada ja soovin siiralt usku ja positiivsust teile tema ära ootamisel. Kujutan täiesti ette mis hirmsad mõtted kogu sinu varasemat kogemust ja teekonda arvesse võttes läbi võivad käia peast, aga nüüd naistega sel teemad rohkem rääkides on mitu olukorda olnud, kus on seletamatuks viljatuseks diagnoositud ja siis peale aastaid järsku ideaalselt terve laps tulnud. Seega mis iganes mõtted need on, nad ongi lihtsalt mõtted ja nad ei takista tublil, tervel beebil tulemast;) Elan südamest kaasa ning loodan, et kõik läheb kenasti. Aitäh, et jagasid enda kogemust ning ilusat, võimalikult murevaba ootusaega:)

“Every time I saw someone post about their family- expanding updates I was always sincerely happy for them, but at the same time, it was like pouring salt on an open wound. Also- you know how when you want something you start all of a sudden seeing it EVERYWHERE?”

☝️☝️☝️ See, 1000x see feeling. Meie üritasime ca 6k järjest. Maadlesin oma metsikult ebareaalse tsükliga, sain arstilt vastuseks, et munasarja tsüstid – diagnoosiks PCOS ja soovitas lihtsalt 6k veel proovida ja siis ravi. U 5 päeva jooksul toimus kogu emotsioonide virvarr – arstil käik, järjekordne negatiivne test ja siis vend teatas, et nemad ootavad oma kolmandat. Esimene emotsioon oli muidugi et apppiiii nii lahe, saan jälle tädiks.. ja siis pärast kibe nukrus, et aga miks mina ei saa. ☹️ Ja siis kuidagi sattusin ainult ja ainult tuttavate ja blogijate seas keda jälgin, pregnancy announcementite otsa. No reaalselt, left, right ja centre kõik said lapsi.. vahepeal oli oma enda õnnetust tundest niii kopp ees, ei taha ju kunagi tunda halba emotsiooni kellegi nii rõõmsa uudise peale. Ja natuke raske on seda ka ju teistele tunnistada, et sellised emotsioonid käivad.

Igatahes nii ma siis nutsin nädala jagu oma õnnetut enesetunnet ja siis otsustasin end kokku võtta ja senikaua teha kõike mida vb raseduse ajal või lapsega ei saaks. Hüppasin-kargasin ringi, leppisin et minul puudub kontroll. Ja järgmine kuu… positiivne test süles. Ja nüüd vaatan oma 4.5k poega (appii ikka tundub veel nii ebareaalne et laps ongi 🤦😅) ja ju pidi tema just siis tulema.

Ilusat ja tervislikku rasedust sulle!

Nii tore, et sa kirjutasid ja enda emotsioone ning lugu jagasid. Ma olen sinuga täiesti päri, et ise selles meelestatuses/ olukorras olles, on neid beebisid ja rasedaid väga raske näha. Ma mäletan kuidas selle rasedusega, mis katkes, kuhjaga instagramis igasugu beebi-lehti ja influencereid, kes rasedad olid, jälgima hakkasin. Kui tookord uudised saime, et meie teekond seekord sinna poole ei suundu, siis nende unfollowmine oli emotsionaalselt nii keeruline. Ja no rääkimata reklaamidest, mis veel online-is kaua taga ajasid. Vahepeal vaatasin tagasi, et näe- tal oli umbes samal ajal tähtaeg ja meie beebi oleks ka nii suur praegu… No täielik enese šabotaaž. Hirmus. Hea, et see aeg möödanik.

Supertore igatahes kuulda, et sa kogu selle kurbuse minna lasksid ja pisike otsustaski kohe tulla. Nii vahva, et poeg nüüd teiega, soovin südamest teile jätkuvalt vahvat koos kasvamist ja kõike kaunist.

Aitäh ka sulle ilusate soovide eest:) Olge hoitud!

Tere! Sattusin ka blogi juhuslikult lugema ja teiste kommentaare. Ma pole ise ema, ei ürita veel, pole isegi veel kedagi, kellega selle poole liikuda aga küll jõuab kui õige aeg. Kunagi üks teadjanaine ütles, et tunneb minuga lapse energiat ehk siis keegi tahab väga-väga minu juurde tulla. Ja selline mõte on väga armas…
Meeletult kurb ja kahju on lugeda seda kõike, mis siin kirjas aga samas on nii õige, et sellisel teemal rääkida. See on raske teema, kahtlemata, aga valehäbi (vale sõna mida siinkohal kasutada aga paremat ka ei leia) on lihtsalt ka vale. Aitäh sulle ja teistele, kes siin oma lugu on jaganud! Eks seegi nõuab omajagu tugevust.
Elu keerdkäigud on nii veidrad, kui palju valu peab enne läbi elama, et õnne tunda. Ja tõesti tekib küsimus, et miks… Minu tulek siia ilma oli ka… väga keeruline ja natuke teistlaadi aga kuna ma ei taha kellegile hirmumõtteid pähe tekitada, jätan detailid enda teada. Keskendume tulevikule ja positiivsele!
Tahaks kõigile lihtsalt virtuaalse tugeva kalli ja palju-palju head energiat saata ning tugevust soovida. Imelist ja turvalist ootusaega! 💕

Tänan sind, et kirjutad oma mõtteid. Mul on samuti kommentaare ja teiste teekondade kohta lugemist nii hea meel näha, et üha rohkem ollakse valmis jagama selliseid asju. Eks enamik eestlasel enda tunnete väljendamine alati liiga loomupärane pole, seega mul on siiralt rõõm, et see veidi muutuma on üldiselt hakanud ja niimoodi koormad kergenevad.

Tore kuulda, et lapse energia on sinu puhul tunnetatud:) Hoian pöialt, et kui ühel hetkel tema tulekule ukse avad, siis tuleb ta muretult ja tervelt.

Võtsid mult endalt sõnad suust ja nii ilusti asja kokku- positiivsusele keskendumine on see peamine! Aitäh ilusate soovide eest- võtan kõik virtuaalkallistused, energia ja tugevuse avasüli vastu. Tundub, et varsti hakkab seda eriti vaja minema:D:D

Sullegi jätkuvalt kõike mõnusat:)

Kui tohib küsida, siis kuhu erakliinikusse sa pöördusid? Ja sel hetkel kui vastvõtule läksid olite 6 kuud proovinud kui õigesti aru sain?

Meil on ka abikaasaga parasjagu suur suur beebisoov aga mida ei tule, on beebi. Kuna esimesed kaks last sai esimese korraga tehtud, siis paratamatult arvan ma, et nüüd 6 aastat hiljem on kummalgi mingi näitaja korrast ära. Kuna aga igalpool öeldakse kogu aeg, et enne pole mõtet uurida kui on aasta aega üritatud, siis natuke pelgan selle jutuga arstile minekut. Kui sa 6 kuu möödudes arsti jutule läksid erakliinikusse kas nad võtsid kohe ilusti jutule?

Aitäh, et kirjutasid. Kõigepealt on tore kuulda, et teid kahe ilmakodanikuga õnnistatud on:) Ja veel vahvam, et idee ja soov pere suurendada.
Absoluutselt hea meelega jagan kogemust, sest mulle öeldi suht samamoodi mujalt, et aasta aega proovida on igati okei ja enne väga midagi ei tehta. Ma aga nii kannatlik ei suutnud olla:D

Mina jõudsin ühe tuttava soovituse kaudu Dr. Reet Laasiku juurde Fertilitasse. Mina käisin Viimsis, aga ta mingitel päevadel Mustamäel vist ka. See tuttav oli samas olukorras olnud, et proovisid saada pikemalt ja siis Dr. Laasiku juurde jõudes tema hakkas teadlikumalt jälgima tsüklit ja suunas vastavatesse testidesse jne. Minu kogemus oli sama. Dr. Laasik oli väga professionaalne ning võttis teema kohe ette. Eks erakliinikus külastused, testid jne kõik oma finantsilise vastutusega, seega see soosib ka niisama mitte minema saatmist;) Aga mina saan küll ainult positiivseid muljeid jagada sellest. Väga ruttu sai aegu ka, seega mulle väga meeldis.

Loodan, et see on abiks:) Kui mingeid täpsustusi, küsi julgelt üle.

Hoian teile pöialt!

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